Have you ever felt this weird feeling....like you've lost all perception of time? Like you're barely inching forward, yet you can't turn back now? Like time has slowed down to an almost complete halt and yet it's speeding by at a million miles an hour? Like you're stuck....right smack in the middle and quite frankly have no idea what to do? Welcome to my world.
So, in exactly six days from
today, I will be taking my board exams. The exams that can, and probably will,
shape the next few years of my life. And while these past fifteen months have
been the most challenging and interesting ones in my life so far, this month
was by far the most challenging. "What set this month
apart from all the rest?" you might ask. Well, for me this entire month has
been lived in a state of constant......weirdness. That whole "Stuck in the
middle" feeling? That pretty much sums up this month.
Ever since the last round of
preliminary exams ended, I've been at war with myself. One part of me knew that
I had to study and revise more. The other felt sick at the sight of
a textbook. I mean, there are only a certain number of times you can read about
"Refraction" or "Natural Vegetation" before it becomes too
much to bear. I did continue to study, of course, driven purely by the fear of
failure. But I couldn't shake this feeling -because besides this mental battle,
I could feel myself losing my grip on time. Hours would crawl by, while days and
weeks passed in the blink of an eye. It's like being in a strange state
of limbo. But unlike limbo, this state can't last forever.
I decided to look it up, and this
feeling is clearly not just experienced by me. According to my research, "feeling like you're living in limbo happens only before a major change", I
quote.
"Accept
the Limbo. Don’t push against the inevitable. Limbo eventually brings change,
and different opportunities. Prepare the best you can for the changes that
might come, but then accept the reality of the moment."
As D-day approaches and the
anxiety within me grows, I still feel weird, but also motivated and oddly
excited. I'm excited to finally face the boards. I'm excited to move on to what
lies beyond them.
I really hope you can relate, so I know I'm not crazy. And if you can relate and are going through the same thing or something similar, just know that we all go through it and it will get better (the research doesn't lie!)
So here's to limbo, and the promise of change and opportunity.
Until next time,
Bianka
