On Orlando.

I’ve wanted to say something for a while. I guess I just couldn’t find the words.

So if for some reason you don’t know yet, the largest mass shooting in the history of the United States took place last weekend – 49 people were killed at a gay bar, and many others injred. Just a couple days before, a singer, Christina Grimme was gunned down while she was meeting fans after a concert. Both events took place in Orlando, Florida.

Please give this a listen - it broke my heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5XpBOK1vC0

I don’t even know what to say. This whole situation made me feel small. I am only 17, and I live on the other end of the world. I am so detached from this situation, and yet I can’t deny that when I heard the news, I cried. Because I’m human. And that’s what humans do. They bend down and weep when they find out people have been killed in cold blood.

Honestly, there are about a hundred videos reacting to this tragedy and if you would like to take a look, I’ll leave the links below – they're probably filled with more coherent thoughts than mine right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkWaa99mjRA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maIqBhtTxrQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkypKKtjfMU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SRi8BeNWzY

All I know is that I have this platform, and even if only a few of you are out there listening, I feel it’s my duty to at least say something.  Anything.

I wish I could say we should hold on to hope. I wish I could say there are brighter days ahead. I wish I could promise a tomorrow of sunshine and rainbows. But that’s not the reality.

The reality is that there is gun violence all around us. The reality is that we have lost hundreds of good people to bullets. The reality is that there have been 16 mass shootings in the last 8 years in the US alone. The reality is we wake up in the morning, get on our phones, and find a new tragedy hashtag trending. The reality is we hope and pray, tweet, post a status (because honestly, what else can we do?), while families mourn the loss of loved ones who were taken away too quickly. The reality is that even today, in most countries, firearms are easily available for anyone to purchase. The reality is that it really could have been anyone, anywhere else in the world, who stood on the other side of that gun. This is our reality. This is our “new normal.” But I really, really don't want it to be.

This is the list of people who tragically died that day.

Stanley Almodovar III, 23 years old

Amanda Alvear, 25 years old

Oscar A Aracena-Montero, 26 years old

Rodolfo Ayala-Ayala, 33 years old

Antonio Davon Brown, 29 years old

Darryl Roman Burt II, 29 years old

Angel L. Candelario-Padro, 28 years old

Juan Chevez-Martinez, 25 years old

Luis Daniel Conde, 39 years old

Cory James Connell, 21 years old

Tevin Eugene Crosby, 25 years old

Deonka Deidra Drayton, 32 years old

Simon Adrian Carrillo Fernandez, 31 years old

Leroy Valentin Fernandez, 25 years old

Mercedez Marisol Flores, 26 years old

Peter O. Gonzalez-Cruz, 22 years old

Juan Ramon Guerrero, 22 years old

Paul Terrell Henry, 41 years old

Frank Hernandez, 27 years old

Miguel Angel Honorato, 30 years old

Javier Jorge-Reyes, 40 years old

Jason Benjamin Josaphat, 19 years old

Eddie Jamoldroy Justice, 30 years old

Anthony Luis Laureanodisla, 25 years old

Christopher Andrew Leinonen, 32 years old

Alejandro Barrios Martinez, 21 years old

Brenda Lee Marquez McCool, 49 years old

Gilberto Ramon Silva Menendez, 25 years old

Kimberly Morris, 37 years old

Akyra Monet Murray, 18 years old

Luis Omar Ocasio-Capo, 20 years old

Geraldo A. Ortiz-Jimenez, 25 years old

Eric Ivan Ortiz-Rivera, 36 years old

Joel Rayon Paniagua, 32 years old

Jean Carlos Mendez Perez, 35 years old

Enrique L. Rios, Jr., 25 years old

Jean C. Nives Rodriguez, 27 years old

Xavier Emmanuel Serrano Rosado, 35 years old

Christopher Joseph Sanfeliz, 24 years old

Yilmary Rodriguez Solivan, 24 years old

Edward Sotomayor Jr., 34 years old

Shane Evan Tomlinson, 33 years old

Martin Benitez Torres, 33 years old

Jonathan Antonio Camuy Vega, 24 years old

Juan P. Rivera Velazquez, 37 years old

Luis S. Vielma, 22 years old

Franky Jimmy Dejesus Velazquez, 50 years old

Luis Daniel Wilson-Leon, 37 years old

Jerald Arthur Wright, 31 years old

All of this was done by one person. And it scares the living daylights out of me.

Let us take a moment of silence to honour their memory

I will say that watching the reactions of people, especially members of the LGBT+ community has been so inspiring. This was a direct attack on their community and they are standing up and coming together and celebrating Pride month, with more vigor than ever before. It's them and the many other people who took a stand for what is right that make me believe change is still possible.

It’s very hard to believe right at this moment, but as many bad people as there are in the world, there are more good, honest, brave people who are willing to stand up and fight the good fight, no matter how uphill it is.

If you live in the United States, I hope you call, or tweet your representatives, and really help bring about a change.

("Did My Representative Take Money From NRA?" http://whoismyvoice.com/ 

“An Easy Guide To Contacting Your Elected Representatives About Gun Control”
https://medium.com/@nicolesilverberg/...

Find out where your Senator stands & demand action: http://everytown.org/senate-votes/?so...

Tweet Your Congressperson: http://everytown.org/tweet-at-congres... )

At this point, that’s our only option.

Change.

Stay safe everyone.

(Side note – I know this was a really sad post, and so were my last couple of posts(kinda XD). I really don’t want this blog to be a place to store negative vibes, so I will try to post good and hopeful things more and more frequently. The world is still a good place – I believe that to the core of my being. Change is coming. So relax, smile, and have a beautiful day :) )

 Until next time,

Bianka.

Happiness and You

Hey guys! 

Today is The International Day of Happiness! It's a day to celebrate joy and goodwill, a day that celebrates happiness as we strive to make the world a more beautiful place to be. Here's how you can join in (http://www.dayofhappiness.net/#join) 

Happiness is vital to a good life. By definition, happiness is a state of well being, joy, and contentment. It's what we all strive to achieve in our life. I'd go as far as to say finding true happiness is the pinnacle of human accomplishment. 

So it pains me to admit that over the last couple weeks I haven't been happy.

Pretty far from it in fact. I was down, upset, angry, sad, and so filled to the brim with emotion that the littlest thing could make it spill over. Believe me, it's possibly the most annoying thing in the world, especially when it starts acting up in the middle of your econ class! I have finally decided that enough is enough.

 

I've always been a person who was afraid to let go of things. I always felt like by letting go of something or someone I'd be letting go of a part of me. That's why I held on to everything no matter how much it hurt. But lately its just been hurting too much. You can only make excuses for other people's behavior for so long before it starts eating away at your soul and that's when you know its time to stop. It's a terrifying prospect, letting go, but as the body ejects all that is toxic to its well being, so too must your soul. The question is, how do you begin? Well, i didn't know either, so I went in search of advice and this is what I found.

"If you want to live a positive life, the key is simple. Suck all the negativity out of it." 

Seems simple enough right? Obvious even. And yet, as a species, we often tend to ignore what is staring us square in the face.Hearing this was a wake up call.One i needed desperately. One that i hope to pass on to you today. 

If you are unhappy in your life, chances are there is something toxic in it, leeching away at the joy in your heart, consuming you from the inside out till you can barely recognize yourself. Don't let this happen to you, you are worth so much more than that. Start today. I know it will hurt but be brutal. Pluck out everything in your life that makes you sad or angry or hurt. Get rid of anything that makes you feel like less than the magnificent human you are. Get rid of it all till the only thing left is room in your heart to fill with joy. It's time to begin again.

Fill your life instead with the people and things that make you happy. That inspire you. That make you laugh. That make you think and question and  examine this world with all its wild wonder. That push you to be the best version of yourself, the You that you never believed was possible. Be around people that kindle the fire inside you, not attempt to rain all over it. Take it from someone who's been through all of this - it's going to be really hard at first to let go of what is familiar to you. But when you do you will be so happy, so grateful, that you will forget you were ever scared. Trust yourself and do what's right for you. 

It is the International day of happiness and I find myself extremely proud to say that i am happy today. I am happy for the decisions I've made, the people I've lost, and the ones that I've gained. I am happy for the love I have received. I am happy for the amazing opportunities that lie ahead. I am happy because of the amazing people I get to call family and friends. Most of all, I am happy because I live in this amazing world that has shown me time and time again,that if we truly try, we can have as many new beginnings as we like.

So look around you, find what's making you unhappy, and as politely as you can, shove it out of your life :)

Until next time,

Bianka

Shake it off, and take a step up! - a tale of undying naivety

All my life, I’ve been called an optimist. I was always happy, always smiling, and always positive.  But, as I grew older, people stopped calling me an optimist, and chose instead to deem me “naïve.”  By saying that, they meant that one couldn’t possibly truly understand life, and still love it as much as I do. I never really paid all of this much heed till very recently.

These last few weeks have been…..stressful. Emotionally, physically, so much so I even caught the flu because of it! It was a series of instances that brought me to this state, successive and hard-hitting. I cannot tell you all that happened, but I can honestly say that all of these have changed me forever.

This year was bound to be crazy from the start, with this being my final year in high school, but the stress that comes with it is unfathomable. It’s hard enough dealing with the idea of “the rest of my life”, but throw in school, classes, obligations, interests, and the rest of the messy human experience, and you have one hell of a challenge in front of you. I was in such a place, when I was hit by a tidal wave (metaphorical, of course) that knocked me to the ground. I knew I could get up, I just began to wonder what’s the point in trying so hard was. I hated those thoughts and I hope I never have them ever again.

With the help of the greatest parents and most supportive friends, I got out of my slump (and as Dr.Seuss taught us, unslumping yourself is not easily done). I’m so grateful, and I’m writing today to tell you what I learned.

I learned that sometimes, people are going to hurt you. Sometimes in life, you’re going to get passed over. Sometimes, Life is going to throw you some curveballs, and some are going to hit you in the face. But that’s ok.

Like I said, people have always called me naïve and have always said to me “Don’t expect things to change. Just get used to the way things are.” But they’re wrong. They’re so unbelievably wrong because change is just about the only thing in the world we can truly count on. Times change, and we change with them - always for the better. I don’t really mind if you think I’m silly or immature, because I’ve seen so much negativity these last few weeks, not only in myself but in those around me, and in my eyes, such negativity is no longer an option.

I was speaking to a friend a few days ago, and it broke my heart when she told me I sounded as if someone had drained the spirit out of me. That’s what woke me up. That made me shake this shroud off, made me want to fight again.

There is an old story of a donkey trapped in a well (read here if unfamiliar-http://www.agiftofinspiration.com.au/stories/persistence/shake.shtml). In that story, several times are these words repeated- “Shake it off, and take a step up.” I loved that story as a kid and today that story and those words helped pick myself up and truly take a step up.

While writing all of this, I considered how weak all this must make me sound. Only to me, all of this doesn’t represent weakness. It represents humanness, but more than that it represents growth. That’s why I believe this was all for the best. 

And now, I want to send a message to you, reading this.

If you’re like me, if you believe in honesty, hard work, goodness and kindness. If you think there is good in everyone, if you think you can truly change the world but have always been told you couldn’t by society --- I have only one wish for you. I wish you keep fighting. I wish you never lose that spark in you. People will always try to get you down, tell you that you can’t do whatever you want to do. I wish that you shrug them off, and keep fighting for your dreams. I wish you can shake it all off, and take a step up to a better future. All of this is so much easier said than done (trust me, I know.) but fight with all that is in you, and push on. The world is full of people who are too “realistic” to see splendor in life any more. That’s why, more than ever before, we need happiness. We need optimism. We desperately need those crazy people who think they can change the world. We need you.

So the next time anyone calls you “Naïve”, I want you to look them square in the eye, and from the bottom of your heart, say “Thank you.”

To me now, there is no greater compliment, because, as eloquently put by the great Oscar Wilde, “It takes great courage to see the world in all its tainted glory, and still to love it.”

We all have that courage within us, but so few choose to bring it out and show the world.

Let’s change that.

Until next time,

Bianka 

Capturing Memories

So today I was just having a lazy day around the house, and as usual with lazy days, I got pretty bored pretty fast. That's when I discovered an old hard drive that my mom had filled up when I was a kid. I thought it might be fun to take a look and so I spent the next hour and a half reliving my life as a 10 year old. As I was doing this I came across some vlog footage I'd made back in 2009 on a class trip to Hama, a city on the banks of the Orontes River in west-central Syria, long before I even knew what vlogging was! I spoke as if I had an audience of millions who cared about what I had to say about the scenery and the observations I made were pretty darn hilarious. As I sat there in fits of laughter over my squeaky little voice and embarrassing commentary, a strange thought occurred to me - I couldn't even remember that day happened before I watched the videos, much less remember the details of it. But after seeing the videos and pictures I slowly began to remember it. I could suddenly recall the day, the people I was with, the places we went to and the things we did. Suddenly it was like I was back there. That was a happy day, and those videos really took me back. But they also made me think of something a friend asked me very recently (and this may seem like a random thought) - why do I take so many pictures? 

It's become one of those huge questions born out of the modern age - why does our generation feel the need to document everything that happens to us? Why do we take a selfie every time we meet up with people or go somewhere new? Why do we tweet an experience or snapchat our food? People spend a lot of time ruminating on this issue and often even worrying for our mental health as a species.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am one of the people they worry about! I love taking pictures and videos almost everywhere I go with everyone I’m with. I love a good selfie and yeah, I guess you could say I love documenting my life. And today reminded me why. As humans we all have a certain amount of capacity with which we store memories, and these memories of experiences and people and places make us who we are. The funny thing about memories though, is that they can get fuzzy or even sometimes disappear into the abyss of our subconscious. Losing a memory, even an insignificant one means losing a tiny part of ourselves, and I never want to deal with that. I want to be able to remember all the happy moments with the people I care about. I never ever want to forget.

 

That’s why I take pictures, make videos, and write blog posts - so that years from now I can look back on them, relive the smiles and the laughter, and remember the wonderful times I had.

“Memory” as Kevin Arnold said “is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.”

So go out, make memories, add to who you are as person, and take as many pictures as your heart desires. Just don’t forget to have fun! Your future self will thank you one day.

So snap away!

Until next time,

Bianka

525,600

So here we are again!  At the end of every year, it’s kind of become tradition to listen to this song on repeat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj7LRuusFqo

                        

If you gave it a listen, you probably noticed that they kept repeating a number – 525,600. That’s the number of minutes in a year, and trust me on this, the more you stare at that number, the smaller it gets. When you really think about it, its not a big number at all! I listen to this song every New Year because I love being reminded of how limited our time is. Last year, on the same night, I wrote about resolutions and how the New Year gives us the power to really accomplish our goals. This year I want to remind you how short a year really is, and how our goals should be tackled now, because sooner than you think the year is going to flash by.

People always say that their lives changed when they realized how fleeting and precious time is. Often it was dangerous situations that lead to those realizations, so consider this your pain-free wakeup call! Life is short, and this year my wish for all of you is to seize life and accomplish everything you’ve ever wanted to!

Tonight is the one year anniversary of the Godswood and I would like to thank everyone who has ever read any of my posts. Thank you all so much for the support and encouragement!

It’s time for a toast!

Here’s to seizing life and all the opportunities that come with it. Here’s to everything we’ve learned this year, and everything we will learn in the next. Here’s to all of you reading this, and another amazing year ahead of us, hopefully full of new stories and adventures to share!

Here’s to the Godswood!

Until next time,

Bianka

The Chennai Floods

It’s over. At least the worst of it is, I hope.

Hey guys. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks and if you’ve seen the news recently, you’ll know why. My city is underwater.

Accurate representation of the mood over the last two weeks.

Rain poured for nearly 3 weeks, strong and unrelenting – rain like I’ve never seen before. In the beginning it never occurred to me the gravity of the situation – I was just happy we had a rain holiday! But then the stories came pouring in (no pun intended) and it hit me just what was happening - for the first time in my life I was bearing witness to a massive natural calamity. I looked on horrified as people lost their belongings, their homes, and some their lives. Then the power went out. The cell towers lost connectivity, and the internet and phone lines were down. The roads around my home filled up and for the first time I understood what it meant to be trapped. I was suddenly made aware of the importance of things like warm water and electricity – things I take for granted every day.

It’s safe to say Chennai wasn’t expecting this either. The city hasn’t seen anything like this in over a century. The city was consumed and, well, blindsided. We lost over 260 lives.

You never really understand situations like this till they hit your city. You never really grasp the gravity of natural disasters till you live through one yourself. I never truly understood it till now. And I can honestly say in my 16 years, I have never been prouder or felt closer to this place I call home. The people rallied together and as rescue missions carried on, the stories that came to light truly restored my faith in humanity. The military came to the rescue, the government pitched in all its resources, and kind souls from surrounding states flocked in to help. This city came together in a way I’ve never seen before, bound equally by shared tragedy and shared hope. Slowly but surely things got better and as the sun rose over Chennai again, I think all of us who live here rose with it, changed by this forever.

Between this and my last post, it seems like terrible things keep happening to the world. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that good things are happening too. But seeing the way people react to situations like this and the way in which they so freely help one another has me convinced that everything is going to be OK.

 What happened was truly a tragedy and I cannot express how grateful I am that no harm came to me or my loved ones. Thank you to everyone who checked in and everyone who came to help my beautiful city get back on its feet. There is still a long way to go, but together we’re going to make it.

Today, I looked out onto my street and saw the water level receding, as people from my neighborhood headed to the local shop to pick up supplies. As I watched everyone around me return to normalcy, one very happy thought entered my head:

Chennai is back!

It’s going to take a lot more than rain to hold my city down.

Until next time,

Bianka

Hope

This morning I woke up happily from a really good sleep, and as usual I picked up my phone to catch up with the world. Most days I read through messages from friends, tweets from people I follow, and YouTube and Facebook updates. But not today. Today my feeds were filled with news about Paris. It took me a while, with my groggy sleep filled eyes, to register the horrible thing that happened – in a series of terrorist attack, 120 people were been killed and hundreds of others wounded in the heart of France’s capital. I spent the morning watching the news mutely, taking in the tragic scenes being broadcasted. Later in the day, I found out about the dual-bomb blast that took place in Beirut, Lebanon which claimed the lives of 44 people, and left over 200 others injured. To top it all off, I also learned of a huge earthquake that hit Japan putting the whole island to be on tsunami alert. And then later in the evening, there was a blast in Baghdad, Iraq where 26 more innocent lives were taken.

Hearing all of this made me feel a horrible mixture of emotions. First I was sad, and I thought about all those innocent people in Paris and Beirut, who were just going about their business, and are now dead. Then I felt angry. How could anyone do such terrible things? I switched between these two emotions for a while till I was hit by a feeling I liked the least – helplessness. I felt helpless because there is so much grief and horror out there in the world today and there is nothing I could do about it. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt it, but feeling like this is the absolute worst because it’s as if you have lost all hope. It was like the world was (literally) crumbling around me, and in that moment I wanted nothing more than to make it better. But I couldn’t. To me, hope seemed lost and the world seemed gray.

So there I sat, watching the news, feeling very unlike my happy, peppy self. Then I came across a quote that really cheered me up. It went like this –

This quote may seem simple and rather unspectacular to you, but it really lifted my spirits today because it reminded me of something very important- no matter how dark and miserable life may seem, there will always be hope. Hope for love, hope for peace, hope for a better tomorrow.

In fact, today, as the world struggles to get back on its feet, we need hope more than ever before. Yeah, bad things happen. But it doesn’t take much to see that the world is filled with some really good people too. It may be hard for us to believe right now, but they actually outnumber the bad- by A LOT! And I know that all of the good ones stand with Beirut, Paris, Japan, Baghdad and all the other countries going through trying times, as they dust themselves off and stand tall once again. Things are going to get better. They always have and they always will. It’s not a bad thing to feel sad, or angry, or even hopeless sometimes. But always remember that there is  hope, even in the darkest of times.

Take a moment today to think and pray, not only for France, but also for those caught in the overlooked tragedies in Lebanon, Japan, and Iraq. Give this a listen (it made me feel better XD)

https://youtu.be/2cW8Alo_5uI

Pray for love. Pray for peace. Pray for humanity, and a better world. 
It’s on its way. Till then we run on hope.

And you know what? I think we’re going to make it.

Until next time,

Bianka